Told you guys I would come back I never leave it deleted. Nothing to really post about but I have read everyone elses so yeah. HI

My scalp has been really sensitive over the last few days when I took the mersondol the other night it was ok till later the following night. After just having a shower I realised while washing my hair if I pull my hair back the pain travels down the forhead and behind the eye. I don't seem to have a headache just achey like head my ear aches a little as well. I thought it may be sinus but I don't even feel sinusey only really ired and sore like bruised like sore my skin is fairly sensitive too. But I don't feel shocking if this makes sense. Anyway just having a winge if anyone has any ideas would be glad to hear them.

I love ANZAC day always have and love that our brave soldiers get the respect and recognition for all that they have done and continue to do. I am not one who is a fan of war as such, but unfortunatly it is a part of our society and I for one am grateful for those who have faught for what our country has today.
LEST WE FORGET.
It is also an emotional day for me as my Grandfather served, (as I am sure most of us have family who have.) and was extremly sick and suffered the rest of his life. I was his only grand daughter and was so precious to him, even though he died when I was young, I still remember sitting eating his finger toast on the front porch of his and my mama's house. The boys were not allowed his toast only me, oh how spoilt I was as the only girl and still am. I wish I had more time with him, I remember him dying when I was young and attending his funeral. He was so special and would certainly pull my mum into line if he was still alive. He really is the only person she ever truely did care about and I am sure it is an emotional day for her today.
Any one who attended my wedding would remember the yellow carnations (his favourite flower) which were given to all the female guests in memory of this dear man. He may not have been there in person but was certainly there in spirit. Can I just say how nice it is when I visit friends who were there and notice the yellow carnation siting in clear view, it warms my heart to think that they meant something to them enough to keep them. As they meant so much to me to remember him on my special day.
Well my niece has just arrived so I am off to enjoy some time with her.
LEST WE FORGET.
LOVE YOU GRANDFATHER.XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Well I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, I am feeling so tired and yet there is no real reason, yesterday was a bit of a full on day, started at 7 in the morning and did my last vist at 7.30 last night. In between doing another 10 visits through out the day. Took the boys shopping for school shoes, hair cuts and the grocery shopping. Came home helped prepare dinner ran out did my late visit, came home made lunches and well them lazed on the lounge, ende up being told it was time for bed from hubby after I had fallen asleep.
Went to bed slept well I think, but this morning I just could not get out of bed nor did I want to, I literally forced my self to get up (which of cause always ends as me feeling grumpy.) Im sure I was sleep walking for the first 10 minutes.
Today I have taken the boys down for thier first day back, hung around to see weher they were going to be, then I came home and have been doing paper work all morning, now I need to make some appointments. But truely I am just so damn tired I have caved terribly and eaten two mini crunchie bars and I am drinking my water, but still I am just wrecked. I kind of don't feel with it today.
Oh well enough babble of nothing. I best do some work I guess. HEHEHE or not I may just go back to bed.
Maybe that is what I will do pop back in and have a lay down for a little while before doing anything else. Maybe I will make appointments, then get the boys duck into the office and that will be all for today. I don't know, I know one thing though what on earth would I do with a normal job. hahahah

I am shocked and have been saddened deeply by the death of Heath Ledger. I feel so deeply for his family and of his little girl. He was a great actor who has always taken on roles which tested his ability to act. Lets remember him for this.
I am saddened at the hype around the drug over dose speculations. What I ask is does it matter how this young mand died? does it matter what lead up to it? what matters is a young sucessful man has lost his life in tragic circumstances and at a terribly young age. Leaving behind a young child who will never have the chance to know her father and will forever hear these stories.
You know if it is suicide or if it is an accidential drug over dose I really do not care, all I hope is thatif he was haunted by deamons which he could no longer contend with I hope this poor soul has found peace in his journey.
No I am not a great big Heath Ledger fan however I have enjoyed all of his movies, however I am affected and havefound my self in tears on many occassions today, feeling stupid as I never knew this young man.
Death always affecs me no matter who it is and well when it is under such sad circumstances I guess I am bound to feel the affects as I always feel other peoples pain. I think of his parents and shred a tear, I think of Michelle Williams and little Matilda and I just could fall in a heap and cry.
You know I am happy with my life but when things like this happen I am left wondering why are we here why is there this thing called life. Why must we suffer so much pain in our worlds.
I hope this comes out as a side affect from his medication or from the phenmonia he was said to have.So people can remeber this talented soul for what he brought to our screens, and not for the next statisic to come out of Hollywood.

REST IN PEACE HEATH SHALL YOU BE REMEMBERED FOR YOUR TALANT AND THE WAY YOU SHARED THIS WITH OUR WORLD.

We had Daves 40th bday party last night. I had a fantastic night and it was so nice to see everyone who could make it. I hope everyone else had as good a night as we did. My only regrett as always when I have so many friends in one room is not getting the chance to catch up with every one as much as I would have liked to have. Thems the breaks though.
A big thank you to all that came I hope you all had a good time.
I was so in the mood for dancing and tried to get everybody up on many occasions however not a lot of success, a few people did get up for a while and it seemed like they had fun. I am terrible when there is music and groups I always try to get who ever I can on the dance floor, I did have some dances last night with different friends and had an absolute ball. I love dancing so much, not all that great at it depending on what is playing sometimes it will consist of me having two left feet. heheheh But I don't care Il continue to try.
I have been saying for way to long now that I want to learn Salsa dancing, yes I am hopeless. I love that close stylish dancing and so desperatly want to learn it for my self. I spoke with a few friends last night and well looks like thier are four of us about to enter a class I am so so excited can not wait. Even if they don't come I am venturing out and I will do this one even if I have to do it on my own.
Well enough about me and wanting to dannce. All in all a great night Dave had a fab night and was so greatful to see so many of his friends thier. So again I thank all that were there to help us celebrate this milestone in his life. gosh 40 years old maybe I should trade him in on a younger version. hahahaha Na not at all he is still young at heart and thats what counts.

HAPPY LITHA EVERYONE.
INCASE ANYONE IS WONDERING THIS ADORABLE LITTLE SANTA AS MY PICTURE, IS MY BEST FRIEND DEBBIES LITTLE BOY WHO WAS BORN LATE OCTOBER. HE IS JUST SO DAMN CUTE I COULDN'T RESIST.

just a quick note to remind myself od the things I am greatful of.
* my loving family.
*end of year time for a break.
* the fabulous night I have just spent with my cloest friends deb and nat at Lone star. It was nothing major no big night just dinner and a catch up. Loved every minute of it. We have been saying for god no's how long we need to do it at least once a month only has not happened. However never manage it.
However we have this time two months and two catch ups. hereshoping we manage to keep it up. We truely do miss each other soooo much. It's so hard when you start growing up and settling down. Gosh I suffer with this transition still sometimes much worse then I would like. I think these ice girls nights will help the transition more.

very happy indeed tonight.

Just for today, I am grateful for the things I do have and not the things that I don't have.
I am grateful for two beautiful charming step sons. and a beautiful loving husband.
I am grateful for all thew gorgeous friends I have.
I am grateful for the money I have that gets me throught to the next lot that arrives.
I am grateful that I have the money to pay for the things that cost so much bloody money.

Just for today I allow myself to be who I am and not worry about the things I wish I wa.

Love to you all. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Well i am feeling ok at the moment which is nice, I am tired and exhausted but thinking this is just my body giving me the slight hint to slow down.
I am so in love with my husband it just gets better as we move further into our marriage. I can't help it I just stop and hug hime every chance I get. Which is a little odd as I don't normally do stuff like that I am not a real affectionate type, however I have been of late.
I am feeling quiet content. Still house hunting and so over it but it will happen when its time. I am so sure that it is mostly the devine holding out to see how D goes with his job in a few weeks. His contract is up and hopefully he will be put on fulltime. He will be I don't doubt it to much however he is stressing about it a little. Which is also odd cause he is normally the positive one and me the stress head.
Well not alot to tell just sharing the calmness in my world at the moment. Off to do Reiki one on the weekend which I am looking forward to. However I also wish to have a weekned in bed. Oh well we can't have it all.
Not sure what it is but I am also feeling more switched on and active in my spiritual world at the moment. Seems to be the focus of my spare time at the moment. Researching and working on mself.
Feeling happy and content.

Here are the only two I have so far. As soon as I get some more I will pop them up. I unfortunatly didn't get any good ones of my outfit. Oh well maybe someone else did. Quality it pretty poor its off a friends phone.



I was very happy with the end result of my outfit and must say certainly got the response I was looking for. IT WAS NICE TO FEEL SEXY AND COMFORTABLE. IF THIS MAKES SENSE.

Well I think maybe I was just being a real virgo and a little dramatic with my post this morning. The peolpe I have spoken to have mentioned that everyone was happy with what we did. It is just a shame the club didn't follow through on everything they said they would do for us and maybe I wouldn't be so dissappointed. In saying this though they still did do alot for us.
I don't think any of us expected the sudden change over in music and the club to fill up so quickly. In saying this though I still stand by my comments of the balance needed from Pagans when dealing with the general public.
I would like to say a big thankyou to anyone who supported the event and came along. I realy hope you all had a great time.
I will probably do it again, as I am already aware of what the changes are we will need to make to make it better for next year.
Oh and for the first time ever, Witches ball turned over a profit.

On a lighter note, my rib area is killing from the corset I wore, Il try and upload some photos later. Falling asleep so may go and rest alittle, seen as we never got home till after the sum came up this morning.

I am so bloody tired today, I didn't sleep at all last night, not sure why, just woke up and was wide awake. I must have woke and started thinking. I can't wait for the Witches ball to be over and done with. I have so much rolling around in my head I feel like my head just is not stopping.
And as a result i'm getting down, could be a bit of PMT as well but I am just so tired and irratable. I am so out of sorts its been a while since I have been this way but I guess we all need some down time in this little hole just to remind us not to fall to far. (if that makes sense)
Lets see what is going on with me:

* looking for a house no luck and not looking good at this point.
(I am grateful for the opportunity to be picky to ensure I find the right house when it becomes available.)

*Organising the witches Ball, which is looking like being a good night, however plenty of people still winging that there is no Spiral dance. Seriously I wonder why anybody bothers to orgaise anything for this community all they do is winge.
(I am grateful for the opportunity to spend the night with like minded people who really want to get together and have a great night.)

*Not sleeping and tired beyond belief.
(I am grateful for my body making me aware of the fact taht I need some rest.)

*my dad going through a break up, living with us and it being the only bloody thing I hear about day in and day out.
(I am grateful for the fact that he is out of a situation he was so unhappy in.)

*My drunken mum who continues to call my blind drunk even when I have advised her I will only speak to her when she is sober.
(I am not grateful for this one or anything about her at this point, when I find the courage and the strength I will walk the opposite direction, and have her out of my life. Finding the strength to do this is the hardest, I am fearful she will do something stupid and I will set my self up with more shit to deal with thanks to the one women in this world who truely should never have had children.)

No time for me and the things I want to do I just want to go on a holiday a real holiday with my husband. One day it will happen.

Well enough winging from me. I wrote here to try and turn my down crap into a more psitive approach. I guess you have to believe it as well hey.

Oh well off to do some work hehe I am meant to be working I don't have it all bad, I do have a fantastic job, And a wonderful husband and two gorgeous children.

It is our first weding anniversary this sunday, and of coase I have left it to the last minute to go shopping. I have absolulty no idea what do you but seriously I have sweet fuck all of an idea. I thought of opera tickets to Phantom of the opera but its not on till May. HELP please.

Well the house hunting is still a lost cause found the perfect place on the weekend, With half an acre perfect for the puppy,three studies four bedrooms was everything we wanted and more. When I called today they advised me it was leased on Friday. Well I was gutted, not sure why as I had onl seen photos however it just felt right when we were out the front. We never got to see inside. I am half tempted to ring the ralestate and say if they decide not to take it to let me know. I doubt it though I am certain it is gone. My lesson here was. Well I had driven past the place a billion times in the last few weeks saw the sign but not the house, and a couple of times thought I should see what it is that is for lease. Guess who didnt then it came up on the net on sat so We drove passed called and the property manager was off. So I very eagerly called this morning at a minute past nine, to recieve the bad news. I honestly thought it was ours I was so confident and certain, obviously something is not right. So I guess if I see something act upon it immediatly, great old saying rings true you snooze you loose. Oh well Im sure we will find a place some time in the next centry. Iam just so over looking it is just ridiculious.
Well on to Karate the boys are doing fantastic, son 2 stayed focused for the whole hour and a half, such a huge effort from him and I am so proud of him. He gets to wear his gee now so he is very excited, he needed to prove to us he was serious before waisting money, I had brought the outfit already it is sitting in his room so he did have the incentive and it worked a treat. He is very proud of him self, as is child 1, he wore his gee for the first time tonight and felt very special indedd. Oh the boy sure is a little Karate kid. I finally got my finger out and went back tonight and I feel great that exhausted great but still great. I really wish I could go back to were i was but it just is not possible, the boys can train with me at this place we do it together like a family and well the classes are cheaper. Its just different I guess and well I am finally focusing which is making it a little easier. I guess we just prefer what we know.
Well off to bed now to dream of a house that may or may not come our way very soon. All in good time.

TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
- BABY BOYS,
-LOST FRIENDSHIPS
-LOSING THE BATTLE AGAINST OLD ARGUMENTS, AND FINDING THE WAY TO FIX THEM.
-LOVE OF MY GREAT HUSBAND
-GREAT FRIENDSHIPS
-EMOTIONS.

My best friend gave birth just after 11 this morning, to a beautiful baby boy, 53cm long, 3.8 kilo's. 3 WEEKS EARLY.
I had planned a suprise baby shower for her this saturday, and only thought yesterday, I really hope she holds off. Maybe I focused on it to much, cause at 1 this morning she went into labour.
I was so worried about how things were going to go with me and her partner as we still were not on real good speaking terms, we were polite at the wedding to each other but that was the surroundings. I was really upset cause he couldn even sms to let me know what that she had gone in but he did call another friend, she called me and hence this is how I found out. Although when we brought presents I made sure I got something for the prud dad as well. When we got to the hospital he was fantastic, I gave him a kiss and his gift and it was like old times you wouldn't even know there was a problem. I only hope this lasts. I think it will. It made me just want to bawl, I am tearing up now just writting it. She is the closest thing I have to a sister and as you all read a while back I was ready to walk away to save her the hassle of the two important people in her life causeing her grief. I am so glad IO took the risk and went straight to the hospital even though I thought he would ignore me. He didn't I guess it is amazing what a baby will do. I only hope this means the start of burying the hatchet, or what ever that saying is.
Anyway enough of that.
I AM SO DAMN EMOTIONAL I JUST NEED TO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A GREAT BIG CRY, HAPPY TEARS THOUGH, I JUST CAN NOT BELIEVE DEB IS A MUM. I AM SO SO SO SO HAPPY FOR HER. (I SECRETLY CAN NOT WAIT TILL IT IS MY TURN)

Although I kind of didn't take mush notice of baby Tyler as she looked so bad when we got there. (finally) We had such a terrible day of everything getting in the way. We went to the shops on the way so to buy and spoil the new little family with gifts. On the way there all the roads were blocked off and it took us a while.Onlyu to have them turn us away and telling us to come back at three. Coming back everything was blocked off as there had been a double shooting in the very carpark we were in. (gosh I was oblivious had no idea, I knew something big happened though as there was five streets blocked off and cops everywhere.) It took us 45 minutes just to get around the block. Then when we got there we heard the nurses discussing some dramasthey were having with a patient who had started bleeding again. We didn't take to much notice. When asking for deb they had to look up were she was, when the nurse told us, the other quickly looked and said sorry no you can't see her, we have a few problems wait in the waiting room we will come getyou. The patient they were discussing was poor deb, immediatly I paniced and continued to panic as it was half an hour later when they finally told us she was ok. I have neverpaniced so much in all my life.
Just to give you a little story only a week ago I lost the ring Ibrought for a few years ago when I moved out of debs. I brought matching rings for us to repsresnt our never ending friendship, the next night all night all I could dream of was death. So as you can imagine I was a little rattled and concerned it was on my mind big time was this a sign or something. Then when all this happened today it brought it all back. I have never been so scared.
I am still really worried she looked terrible the poor darlin, I wish I could do more but she is in the right place. I will probably really bawl when I finally see her holding her little boy for the first time. She was so unwell while I was there, she couldn't even sit up.
Well I will stop rambling now sorry guys. I just needed to get it all out, it has been a highly emotional day and I am worried, scared and exatatic all at once.
Happy that looks like finally things have worked out for us all, I can not wait till she comes home and settles with her new little bundle. He is just so cute, I couldn't stop cuddling him and talking ot him.
Anyway Il definatly stop here.